Being the One Without Cancer

When we found out that Ryan had cancer I was very calm. I was a surprised definitely, but we didn't know the extent of it yet and worrying wasn't going to help anything.

Two days after that we had an appointment with the surgeon, Dr. Anderson. We found out that she was going to go through a year of chemo, have a double mastectomy, hormone replacement... the works. I didn't shed a tear in the room with Ryan.

Dr. Anderson then wanted to see Ryan on her own for a bit, so her Mom and I went out to the waiting room. I sat down, started to take a breath, and was then completely overcome with more emotion than I've ever experienced in that way. I bawled like crazy for about a minute, choked back the tears, and pulled myself together. We went back into the patient room with Ryan shortly after and we met each other with the smiles of happiness that two people in love share.

While sitting in that waiting room I didn't know whether or not I was going to lose the person I'd just fallen madly in love with. I suppose you never really know how long you or anyone you love has on this earth, but knowing that if Ryan didn't get serious medical help she would likely die soon was terrifying. I'm not all that afraid of death, but I certainly don't want to live without her.

There have been a few points since then where I've shed a few tears, but I'm not all that scared. Her prognosis is good and we're going to be amazing together through this and on the other side it.

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Being the loved one of someone with cancer is a weird position to be in. I'm sure it's an entirely different experience for everyone, but this is what it's like for me:

I'm not that upset. Sometimes I think it's weird that I'm not that upset given the circumstances, but I can honestly handle anything together with Ms. Veldt. When I went back into that patient room I wasn't feigning confidence. There's something about being with Ryan that makes everything incredible.

Honestly... Going through cancer feels like an incredible part of our journey together, because it's something we're doing together.

While I can't take the physical burden from her, I will certainly be by her side every step of the way. The only times that have been really rough have been when we're apart.

I'm also absolutely overcome by the support from everyone. To everyone taking the time to read this, everyone who donated, everyone who has been a part of our life... Thank You!!!  I can't tell you enough how much your support has meant to us both emotionally and logistically.

~ The Incredibly Grateful Mr. Veldt