Coming up on what will soon be a year ago, I recall marching
myself down to a small wooded space under a particularly important full moon
lunar eclipse. I reflected and projected, and empowered some little trinkets to
help get me to the next part of my life. And I charged up some charms for my
new friend, William, sensing that he would soon become the sun around which I
orbit.
The brisk morning air of fall fills my entire being with
excitement and wonder, because it's in the autumn that I bloom. September 5th
brings a new moon just as I prepare for a new unknown journey and a new body-
and this fall will surely not disappoint.
I find myself in a place of deep introspection as I prepare
for what I anticipate to be a relatively uneventful surgery. And while I
prepare myself for the experience I'm about to have, I also prepare myself to
let go of deep life wounds. With gratitude for their lessons, I free myself
from the fear that my peers don't understand or accept me. I let go of
culturally inflicted and personal body shame. I release the seemingly
bottomless sadness that comes from broken relationships out of my control.
I thank this cancer from the very bottom of my heart for all
of the beautiful gifts it has given me and I take away the incredible love and
support of friends, family and well-wishing strangers. I will keep all the
laughs and silliness and thoughts of giant craft fur eyebrows to help get me
through upcoming moments of horrible, but temporary, physical pain. And most
importantly, I will guard with my life the new strength I've acquired. The kind
of strength that pulls up everyone around it- not aggressively, but delicately
and with kindness.
If I haven't thanked you, thank you. Even if you were a gift
disguised as a lesson, thank you. My surgery is scheduled for Tuesday (my
favorite day of the week, the day of the week I was born), September 24th. It's
expected that I'll be in the hospital for two nights, and then begins the
journey. Please, if you're up for it, come with me. I don't think you'll regret
it.
xoxo, Ry
