Tuesday, September 3, 2013

There She Goes Again...

Coming up on what will soon be a year ago, I recall marching myself down to a small wooded space under a particularly important full moon lunar eclipse. I reflected and projected, and empowered some little trinkets to help get me to the next part of my life. And I charged up some charms for my new friend, William, sensing that he would soon become the sun around which I orbit.

The brisk morning air of fall fills my entire being with excitement and wonder, because it's in the autumn that I bloom. September 5th brings a new moon just as I prepare for a new unknown journey and a new body- and this fall will surely not disappoint.

I find myself in a place of deep introspection as I prepare for what I anticipate to be a relatively uneventful surgery. And while I prepare myself for the experience I'm about to have, I also prepare myself to let go of deep life wounds. With gratitude for their lessons, I free myself from the fear that my peers don't understand or accept me. I let go of culturally inflicted and personal body shame. I release the seemingly bottomless sadness that comes from broken relationships out of my control.

I thank this cancer from the very bottom of my heart for all of the beautiful gifts it has given me and I take away the incredible love and support of friends, family and well-wishing strangers. I will keep all the laughs and silliness and thoughts of giant craft fur eyebrows to help get me through upcoming moments of horrible, but temporary, physical pain. And most importantly, I will guard with my life the new strength I've acquired. The kind of strength that pulls up everyone around it- not aggressively, but delicately and with kindness.

If I haven't thanked you, thank you. Even if you were a gift disguised as a lesson, thank you. My surgery is scheduled for Tuesday (my favorite day of the week, the day of the week I was born), September 24th. It's expected that I'll be in the hospital for two nights, and then begins the journey. Please, if you're up for it, come with me. I don't think you'll regret it.


xoxo, Ry

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